Life.Love.Wish.Hope.

*unhappy mode

I know I'm going to miss T more than ever after this, I know I will. In fact, I'm already in the missing-it-already mode now.

T is boring. T is cheap. T is everything but happening. And unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how u see it), T also happens to be my love.

Love? Yeah l.o.v.e u got it right.

But why?


I asked but found no answer. I guess its the familiarity of everything I truly love.

I don't want to leave Taiping. I don't want to be away. I want to come back from work/outings/school to a house I call home. I want the privacy I always have-my room,my comp.

I want to keng kai with my mother late @ night while I teman her to wait for my brother,when she'll tell me bout her daily encounters with funny/rude/mean people in the market. She'll show me some of the stuff in The Star which she finds funny/peculiar and we'll laugh together eventhough I've read it before and didn't find it as funny as when she tells me bout it. I can tell her practically everything, and no doubt, vice versa. I can never find another mother who'll come into my room to chase away moth/butterfly/cockroach with a broom, for me.

In Taiping, I don't wake up to alarm tones on my phone, I don't even have to. My dad holds the position as the earliest to rise and therefore, naturally, he is the walking alarm of the family. He's rarely late and sometimes I do get angry because of his punctuality cause I needed the 5 more mins. We really don't talk much and have a lot of disagreements now and then but i think I'm still quite proud of him in some ways. He's also still THE driver(lousy one!_!) of the family cause my mother doesnt drive and I hate driving t h i s much.

My brother is my brother. We either talk to each other peacfully for not more than 5 mins or we shout @ each other. I think he's my mother's xin gan bao bei and no you can't and won't sense jealousy here cause my mum,even if she really love my brother more, is fair n square with it. Why should anyone blame her for liking something she genuinely likes? She didn't abuse me, she didn't keep the extra chicken wing for my brother and refuse to let me eat it, she never do the "beat me while brother is laughing @ background" stunt. But wei I think I'm also quite a good sista now le.

(writing bout my family makes me sad n happy @ the same time -.-)

So I guess my family plays a big part on 'why i love Taiping so much', but there's still much that makes me dread leaving.

Among the things are :

-familiarity
-secure feeling
-friends
-memories of....

I think I should be grateful, eventhough something i'm longing for/to know didn't present itself to me. Maybe its time...

I just want to say that if you are you then I hope you will get My Wish. I want to know truth but I don't get any. I want to move but I cannot. I can only wish and wait, even if its never meant for me to get any bit of truth at all.

If you are you then you will understand 09-04-2006,Sunday night. You will know what am I talking about if I say abgman. You will never laugh at rainbows if you are you. You will remember the 'goodnight' without reply, the empty msg. You will frown @ 'donkey'.

I've put in too much, now its fading but I'm still here. If it's never meant to be you at all then I'm supposedly the stupidest person on earth, but I don't mind. I don't need to have to get me going,even when at times I feel like i'd grown out of this, even when at times i wish i hadn't had any history on earth, wishing that i'm a newborn just out to shape n mould n carve my life story, i will still be right where i am now and wish,hope,wait-for truth I've been deprived and deprived myself from.

I know too well that it might just be another prank, another joke that wasnt something i could laugh at, another wrong timing and wrong choices of words. But yet..I still wish what I wished for.