Stress

is what I've been feeling since a few good hours ago.

Worrying bout this, and this, and that, is no fun wtf. Actually, more like lost than worry I guess. Lost in worries? LOL

I don't know : What to choose. Where to apply. When to submit. How to arrange. What to prioritize(is there even such a word wtf)

Honestly, the reason I'm stressed is, not because I'm afraid I can't get into the Uni I want or (cannot) get the course I'm capable of pursuing. Well ok in a way I am bothered but it's kinda like indirectly la, hard to explain wtf.

I wanna get in Uni = Wanna stay in Msia = Near home = Can see/be with family

That's my major concern, hard to believe?

Kinda wtf I know but if you = me, u will understand my level of home sickness which I think I cannot bear anymore. Right now I feel okay, just cause maybe the thought that I'll only be here for like not much longer comforts me a lot. If I know were to stay here forever, I don't think I can bear any much longer!

As long as I can be home. My mama says if I can't get into Uni I can still be home, no worries(touchednya). I might go get a low pay job or something and this is the sad part. Choose one or another. You can't have both.

If I stay home and work = can be with ppl I care & love, but = low pay = cannot contribute to family that much wtf = parents need to work harder to provide for themselves = guilty me

If i work here = far from home = far from loved ones = homesick = unhappy = more money = can provide a bit more for folks = them no needa work that hard

Not that a Uni degree will absofuckenlutely guarantee an instant bright future. It's just that if I can get into Uni, it's sorta like an escape from making the painful decision. With family or for family? It's selfish I know to be thinking this way, as to hide from reality. But IF I can get into Uni, I really have many amends to make.

To put more effort in studying. To achieve better grades. To stand up proud not because I have like 57A's or something, but because I do my best and can go up to my parents without feeling sorry abd guilty. To appreciate opportunities. To grab rare chances.

Sounds like a piece of cake ain't it?

What I wrote might give you the misconception that I'm such a "sensible" daughter. The fact is- I'm not. I'm just an a$$hole who's trying to escape from truth. Who longs to still stay with her parents forever without needing to grow up. Selfish is the word. But put yourself in my shoes before passing shit.

Anyway i wanna clarify that I have understanding, great parents(mum especially) who never force me into doing things I'm unhappy doing. There's almost total freedom. And ever so supportive. And no, they didn't demand that I contribute to the family financially, it's me who wanted to, if I can.

Haihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh doG let me be rich and smart in my next life k!! See I so "hao shun" my parents lehh --_--