ABCDEFailure.

Happy times are limited.

I wanna know whats wrong. Since the start of semestah, life hasn't really been good. Many times, i nearly broke down - in class, college and some random places when i'm walking. I know that "THIS IS LIFE". I also understand that everyone faces difficulties now and then without fail, because as realistic as it IS, this is life.

I tried not to say or mention anything. I tahaned until kenot tahan, and then still tahan more. I laugh, had happy moments, but that only last a while. I don't want to whine and complain and cry and whine as if i'm the pitiest person on earth, cause self pity is just gross. I don't wanna be one of those people who spam FB homepages with status claiming how depressed they are, how unfair life is to them and etc. Okay, maybe that's what they really feel and needa express themselves. Fine, but it is so frequent i feel they overdo it max it isn't necessary. I don't know since when i feel that its not appropriate and alright to express one's sorrows, more specifically, my sorrows. It was all bottled up, when i have any. Now i just cannot stand it anymore..

So, yes, it is just the beginning of the semestah i'm feeling so low i don't know how to continue. Never felt so stupid in my life before. It's as if everything i used to know how to do, i loses all the abilities. Maybe it was all illusions, I guess I never had anything at all, never mine. Life is just not my game. Just no matter what I do, I fail. I'm just this stupido who should have not exist in the first place. There's no place for stupid people,cause they're just a waste of space. And thats what exactly I am. I don't know what I want anymore. I can't recognize what is my passion.

I don't know what my lecturers are saying. I don't understand the instructions from the coach. I don't know how to communicate. I don't know how to handle things. I slow others down when I don't know this and that. "It's ok you can learn", you say, but what if you don't learn nothing at all cause you're just too stupid. I feel like a parasite in class, whenever there are group projects. Everybody else have their own group of close friends.

It's ok if i fail alone, but i really hate it when it involves others. i don't wanna be a burden to them, a problem they don't need.


Coming here, it's as if to fail myself. To kill any single negative amount of self confidence i used to have.