Ship F : Board, Or Alight?

Will be home tomorrow after 40+ish days. I kinda wish time will pass by quicker. I just want to go through all these like it has never happened. You know, escaping from reality and all that shit. I'm a believer, mind you, as childish as it is, i'm a believer of running from reality. Not proud or what, it's just that that's what i think about all the time.

down. there are a few things i cannot understand or quite accept. but, for the sake of the ship f, i'm trying my best to understand and have faith. i know i cannot and have no rights to change anything or how anyone think and bring themself, therefore i ain't even thinking about it. to me, ship f is about accepting. accepting everything which includes similarities, differences, and not forgetting, the most crucial part - flaws.

most of the time, i feel that i no longer know what ship f is all about. i can never summarize what i feel about it in this space, it'll never be enough. and what i say here might not be relevant to what i feel. but maybe some things should never be said, as it's not something permanent, at least i hope it's not.

as we grow older, we naturally bear more responsibilities towards what we say. don't say things just because you feel overpowered by certain type of emotion at a time. what you say can never be taken back. if you really value a ship f, or whatever ship out there, then i guess it's always a wiser choice to have faith and be patient with whatever bad situation you're having with the other person on board, rather than burst out of anger, and regretting and losing a ship f you knew you treasure.

sure, you can always make it up after a fight, but not all things can be mended. i also know that we ought to be real and straight forward if we really take the other person as someone important, but some petty things which can just be ignored should give way to bigger things.

i might not be the best of a friend, and i'm not preaching about this. just sharing my views. and experiences. it's hard for me to admit this but still have to : it's hard to find someone to share downs nowadays, even if it's just for talking about the downs. i feel that no one is interested in listening, other than when it is about themselves. it makes me feel like a dumbass, to try to share unhappy times. it makes me feels like an outsider, most of the time. all the time, it makes me feel small and that my existence is a waste of space and resources.

saying ok when being asked "are you ok?" is just a gimmick to stop the topic altogether. because, even if i say "no, i'm really not ok", no one actually cares. and i just hate it when friends compare unnesscesary stuffs. like the amount of homework. *rolls eyes* like when i say "wahlew today got a lot of homework lei", you'll say "ha! you see i got more than you lei..bla bla bla tomoro passup..bla bla bla..next week presentation etc". what is this? i justdungeddit. why must compare all the time one? petty things like this need to be compared meh? hello, why must everything be about YOU?  do friends do that all the time? heck. is there even a need to compare?

haih donola. at the moment. just kinda upset. and disappointed, with this whole idea of f ship. maybe it's MY problem. i'm being unusually and unnesscesarily emo, i guess  :(

anyway, listening to this one soothing song. which is in mandarin by the way, by a taiwanese band called soda green. i can't decide whether it's a he or she singing at first. love the floaty feel that the melody creates ♥