Best In You.best in me

I miss you ....... today.I miss you ....... just now.I miss you ........ now.

Where'd you go? I miss you so...
Seems like its been forever, since you've been gone..

Now,right now,I couldn't even do the slightest thing.

I want to walk some more on this path.But should I really do? All the time I asks this question but I would all the time refuse the answer.All I want is to just continue walking until I reach a place which I can feel that I can stop.

But all I do is just continue walking.Without ever reaching that place i yearn to stop by. I was tired.I'm tired again now..

Would I just stop? Should I just stop walking?

Journey

Is it ending?

Although this one issue has been going on and on for years, and X have yet to have answers for it, this is bizzarely the first time X feel that it is ending, and conclusions are in the process of revealing itself.

Been thinking bout this for like weeks, in the past few days, its just getting worse. Realized that unless X actually do something about it, it won't change on X's side.

XXX side is always changing, X don't know what to believe, only can deceive. XXX're never gone, cos xxx're never here.

Fear is too great to be defeated. Am afraid. What if, if X get to know The Truth and it is nothing like X thought? Will X be able to be normal? Will X not shatter? Will X not be hiding behind curtains?

X guess X know the The Truth already. What X need to do is confront it. But X know X don't have the courage.

Da da da da da~

I have a plan~!

Feel so hopeful suddenly, not because I think there's still hope in it, but because it will be the one and only thing that'll motivates me now until....... I don't want to tell when! Maybe I also won't know until when!

Hehe :)

But I'm holding on to my decision! This is the ultimate plan!

Time better pass quickly! Because I really can't wait. Cant wait anymore.

I wonder why it never occured to me to do this last year, last last year, or even last last last year.

Why huh? I guess because it seemed to be such a big deal wayyyyy back then. Well, it's still quite a big deal now but I guess I finally manage to see the rational in doing it and the normality in it.

Muahaha. I feel that I have a reason to live suddenly! Big one one, I'm waiting!

Someone just tell me what to believe in, I'm sick and tired of it happening again and again.

Why is everybody telling me that ciggie is not good? I'm desperately in neeed of them right now. There's still half a stick stuck somewhere in my room but it won't be enough...

Lemme tell you why ciggie is good :

-will be my BEST friend who won't dump me when I need it

-help me take away stressful stuff (at least for a while)

-won't say no to me

-gives me freedom

I don't know, that's all I can think about and yet it is good enough to... have a place in my heart?

I know I might be a murderer if I'm a smoker but I don't plan to go full time. That's not my intention.

I'm a loser. I'm a goner. I cannot bring myself up to anything anymore. Did I really fall that badly?

Yesterday I'm convinced that it will be the end of something in the past and the beginning of something new. I'm convinced that I will be very happy and I'm feeling happy at that time. But look what happened to me today?

I absolutely believe that there's nothing absolute in the world. Friendships, career, family, future, relationships, all are not permanently staying the way they are right now. It might change, or it will change. Sometimes it takes a day, sometimes an hour, sometimes even when it is staying the same way for 20years, it might change suddenly the next day.

Things change because perceptions on them change. And human are the masterminds of perceptions. There's many reasons to these changes and we cannot simply point to this or that although that's what most of us has been doing up till now(me included). Pointing fingers is always the easiest thing to do but mostly get tangled up in the end.

No matter how sure we are, we are always not so sure when it comes to being sure with something. It is more to choosing what to believe than actually knowing the sure truth because no matter how true there's always no truth.

I mean, The Truth is actually what we choose to believe in. How sure are we that the truth is true? I don't know, maybe its just me, cos most of the people I see are sure about The Truth, except me of course.

Because I'm the exceptional one, I found no truth cos I'm not sure if The Truth is true.
Because I'm the exceptional one, I don't know what to believe in and what not to believe in.
Because I'm the exceptional one, I am going round and round in circles.
Because I'm the exceptional one, I still linger around seeking Truth.

Jatuh.

I am so cold right now. inside out.

The weather is bad,I am bad.

The heart is bad. Can't help but think..

Why am I always thinking? What does that mean?

Actually it means a lot,only not me..

There's always guilt I can't wait and can't seem to wash away.

Maybe it will always be like this?

Guess I'll never know The Truth....

I Am Back.

I just got back my computer(cpu,to be exact) and ta da~ I'm here!

Was so lazy and its been like months since I cannot go online.Total Procastinator. I was actually kinda thinking that it is fated that I couldn't go online (well,i know what ur thinking.lame and stupid right?but thats what i feel bcos of certain matter which u wouldnt understand!) but I don't know.. but I still have to get it fixed no matter what right? Or else I'm just wasting 77 every month for the damn connexion! I was kinda under-determined to do it until my mother,father,sister,brother,greatgrandmother,great-great-great-granduncle,and my future lover constantly nags me to go get it done. So...finally it has recovered and now back to my lovely safe and secure room. Muahaha!

So,yeah.. I'm back to the online world. But I don't know wheter its a good thing or not...

Life is full of uncertainties..(at least mine is) Sometimes it is good to have some room for imagination but other than that, all these uncertainties are slowing me down and killing me... If its not for... I wouldn't even bothered.. But all I get now is nothing..

Maybe it is The Time for me to really think back hard, and move.. I don't know, cos sometimes you (in this case 'you' refers to me) just feel so freakin disappointed and down.. Maybe it is true that it's over or actually did not happen?

I don't know....!!!!!!

I Don't Wanna Know...

I am a sad girl today.

I don't know how many times 'this thing' will repeat itself again.

Past few days, I can already guessed what will happen but I never thought it'll be so soon... I didn't care and just do what I think was right though I can already see that the efforts will be worthless, because I've been through it and know how it feels.. So,I don't want to do the same hurtful thing...

I'd pray that this time,it won't happen again but no,my prayers are never answered...

Why..?

Kau Seperti Hujan.

Hmm I know I shouldn't be blogging at all at this time of the day, I mean, who the hell blog straight after waking up,without even brushing their teeth and washing up. =/
Sounds like I'm insanely addiceted to blogging right?Hmm..I guess partly I am..

I made the same mistake over and over again.Why huh?I mean, I am thankful to whoever at the above for listening and actually do something for me, but why can't I just let go of my egoness for a while? Or am I just plain afraid of doing what I should actually do when given the chance? Seriously, I don't know and I don't even know how to analyze my own feelings.

One chance, slipped away again.
One wish, granted but I make no use of it.
One step, would make it all so different.
One glance, could take back all the hatred.
One word, could refoster the ties of friendship.

Hmm...I'm a tad disappointed...of myself..

When I...

When I hurt you, I'm wounded too,
When I make you cry, rain that falls here are tears I generously dropped,
When I gave you hopes, I'm letting myself hypnotized in dreams as well,
When I crushed your heart into sand, I'm throwing mine in the burning flames,
When I pretended not seeing you, self hatred developed its interest in me,
When I make you feel unwanted, I’m falling into the darkest spot of the galaxy,
When I say nothing to you, my heart and tongue is fighting for the best words,
When I pushed you to the dead end, my hands are tied up with guilt I can’t wait to wash away,
When I turned my back on you, I’m looking for miracles on the other side of the world...

self-explainatory...a lil too much to bear..